As seen on The Morning Show
Parenting can be a roller coaster where sometimes your emotions can get the best of you. Natalie Preddie has some tips for being more conscious and mindful when grappling with the ups and downs of daily life.
What is conscious parenting?
- Conscious parenting is a term used to describe a style of parenting that focuses more on the parent and how mindfulness can drive parenting choices.
- It’s rooted in a combo of Eastern-style philosophy and Western-style psychology, bringing together meditation and self-reflection.
- Conscious parenting asks that instead of striving to “fix” your child, parents look inward at themselves. Sees children as independent beings who can teach parents to become more self-aware.
What are the key Elements of Conscious parenting?
- Parenting is a two-way relationship. Children are their own unique people who can teach a parent.
- Letting go of a parent’s ego, desires, and attachments.
- Instead of forcing behaviors on children, parents should focus on their own language, their expectations, and self-regulation.
- Instead of reacting to issues with consequences, parents should establish boundaries ahead of time and use positive reinforcement.
- Instead of trying to fix a momentary problem (like a temper tantrum), it’s important to look at the process. What led up to this event and what does it mean in a bigger picture?
- Parenting is not just about making a child happy. Children can grow and develop through struggles.
- Acceptance requires being present and engaging with whatever situations present themselves.
What are the benefits? What are the drawbacks?
Benefits:
- Requires parents to engage in self-reflection and mindfulness daily. This can reduce stress and anxiety. It can also produce a longer attention span, has the potential to reduce age-related memory loss, and can even decrease blood pressure and improve sleep.
- Can encourage more respectful language use as well as overall increased communication.
- Requires parents to speak to children with a certain level of respect and to communicate with them frequently. Having frequent respectful conversations with adults models healthy, positive relationship skills for children to use in other areas of their life.
- May improve cognition, show fewer signs of aggression, and advanced development in children.
Drawbacks:
- It can take a long time to achieve the amount of self-reflection and internal control necessary to parent in the way called for by this style.
- Requires that parents give their children the opportunity to struggle and fail, which may be messy and take time. This can also be difficult to watch.
- There is no black-and-white answer to handling problems. Things may get a little fuzzier and less predictable while relinquishing control.
- Conscious parenting insists that parents work with children to sort through issues as they arise and stay in the moment.
- With younger kids having a tantrum, a parent needs to act immediately. It’s not always possible to pause and reflect when your first responsibility is to keep your child safe.
- “Parenting is not that complicated or difficult once we become conscious because a conscious person is naturally loving and authentic.” It’s likely that most parents feel that parenting is complicated and often difficult.
Examples of conscious parenting?
Imagine that your 5-year-old has been left alone and gotten hold of the scissors. They’ve decided to use their new cutting skills on their hair. You’ve just walked in and seen the result:
1. Breathe
- Take a second to breathe and center yourself. Take a moment to move the scissors to a safe location.
2. Reflect
- Reflect on any triggers or emotions this event may have stirred inside yourself before expressing them towards your child. Part of you may think about what all the other parents on the playground will think when they see your kid. Let that go.
3. Set boundaries
- Conscious parenting does include setting boundaries so if your child asked to use the scissors earlier and was told that it could only occur with a parent present, this would be a time to mention the violation of the boundary.
- You also need to consider how you can help your child going forward, like moving the scissors to a location they can’t access on their own.
- Remember: Conscious parenting strives for connection and authentic relationships while focusing on the bigger picture that long term this isn’t about ill-cut hair.
4. Accept
- Accept the hair for where it is now. No need to mourn the past hairdos. It’s time to practice releasing your ego.
- You could even use this as an opportunity to work with your child to create a new hairdo.